House Of Joy
Smiley's Arsenal
(Commentary by Tate David - pictured above)
House Of Joy
Smiley's Arsenal
(Commentary by Tate David - pictured above)
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BACK to Paintball Pics Smiley's Arsenal (by T. David)
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So, you've heard Smiley plays a "little" paintball. What you don't know is that the man also builds his own equipment and frankly, the dude's equipment makes him even scarier to play against. After begging and pleading, we got Smiley's permission to get the low down on his awesome and legendary equipment. So sit back and go where very few have gone before - into the arsenal of Smiley and see why he's so "infamous" and "legendary" to those in the sport. We asked Smiley "why" he builds this stuff. Why not just buy a Tippman or something from Wal-Mart? This was his reply... Please note that some of these pics were hard to come by since Smiley is so secretive about his equipment. We will try to have better pics in the future.
BABY -
Baby is Smiley's fast draw/gun pistolero/1862 Navy Colt - .50 cal. 6 shot revolver - one his most elaborate customs paint markers. I have seen him unload his revolver on a target's knee caps in super fast time without even aiming and dat was his way of he was bein polite!
CHICKEN KILLER
Alright, if you have played paintball with Smiley during 1998 - 2004 years, then you know about this bad girl and her 25" All American barrel and "custom" pneumatics. And YES, she's that accurate and shoots further than any marker I've seen. A lot of people have found that out the hard way. Impressed scenario players have offered Smiley $1500 for the marker at the big plays and Chicken Killer even took an amazing third place at the 2002 WORLD RECORD GAME Gun Contest. Last I heard, Smiley retired his girl to the "Wall of Fame and Shame." You can also go here to see Chicken Killer spotlighted on Chris Mader's page (half way down the page).
MELODY -
Smiley started building this VM-68 from a box of disassembled rental junk from Canada to be a simple stock VM-68. He kept it as a "Junker" until he saw an opportunity to perfect the flawed modifications on Chicken Killer. From there on and with the perfecting of where Chicken Killer was flawed, Smiley used Melody as a watered-down version of Chicken Killer when he played against the IUP paintball club.
As of late, the relationship between Smiley and IUP paintball club became sour when the club tried to hunt him down like a dog on a combat sim. Smiley survived without a scratch and plans to return the favor doing onto others as others have tried to do to him and to do that, he did some crazy fucking modifications on Melody that make what Chicken Killer could do seem tame and unreliable. I pitty those fools in the club because now they have a dude with the meanest fucking gun I have ever seen hunting for pay backs. Oh, and those notches painted on Melody, those are the number of players who have fallen victim to Melody. There's over a hundred over them! Don't become a notch! - lol! If you want to see more pics of this bad girl, you can click HERE which will take you to the UGLY PAINTBALL CONTEST entry page for the Smart Parts forum contest. Melody was also entered in the VM-68 of the Year too. And this is what Smiley won for having an "ugly" Melody:
THE BEAST - Few have seen this monster of a marker. Smiley designed this one to be the "all metal version of Chicken Killer" and to have a higher rate of firing and to also be a back-up to the CK.
CHEAP STICK - This marker was Smiley's one shot, one kill pump. Smiley built this gun from an old Trracer pump. When he was an undergrad at Clarion and could not afford to buy paint pellets by the hundred, his fellow players would give him any extra ammo that was left over after filling their guppy packs. As a result, Smiley would barely have 100 rounds to shoot for an entire day. With such limited ammo, Smiley would walk on to the game field with as many shots as there were players (one paintball per player - that's fucking nuts!!), hence his one shot, one kill ability. Smiley claimed that when some of his opponents were so predictable on the field, he wrote, "To (his opponent's name), Love Smiley," on the paintball pellet and each pellet was loaded in an order that he anticipated to encounter each opponent.
Cheap stick was retired in spring 2001 when on a combat simulation with the 458th Pa Reserves. Smiley snuck up on this one soldier, and tried to make him surrender with a "bang, you're dead!". The soldier grabbed Cheap Stick by the barrel and tried to yank it from Smiley's grip as if to disarm him. Instead, Smiley fell on top of the soldier as he snapped Cheap Stick in half separating the receiver and barrel from the wooden stock. A fight/wrestling match followed between Smiley and the soldier from the 458th PA Reserves. After Smiley kicked his ass, the soldier protested by saying he wasn't eliminated because he hadn't been shot. Smiley took what was left of Cheap Stick and shot the soldier still laying on the ground point blank in the chest and said, "You're dead now". Since then, Cheap Stick has been on the Wall of Fame and Shame, stick broken since that day.
Elbonian Assault Rifle (EAR .68 cal)
This puppy is one of many .68 cal. E.A.R.s that Smiley rents out to the military personnel and OPFORs for Combat Sims. The picture above was taken when one E.A.R. won the 2nd place at the 2004 WORLD RECORD GAME Gun Contest.
LEG SNIPER -
Another Combat Simulation weapon - Smiley uses this tricked and "smileyized" Nelspot 007 pistol when having to quietly pick off military folk at a distance.
JUNK YARD NELSPOT 007
- It's the one sticking out of his belt. A mix match of fucked up Nelspot 007 parts put together to make one of the meanest pistols I've seen. Smiley uses this in shitty weather and nasty playing fields. Other Nelspots - If you play paintball with Smiley, you are never sure what he is packing. On combat sims, Smiley is usually packing at least 2 pistols and at most 6. Why? Well, Smiley doesn't reload. In other words, he doesn't take the time to reload ammo or CO2 into the pistol in the middle of a fire fight. He just tosses the pistol and draws out another and empties that one. Smiley uses old 3357s, PGPs and Nelspot 007s when he does this crazy shit. To him, these Nelspot 007s are disposable. He gets them cheap enough and refurbishes them enough to hold air and shoot a ball accurately at 30 ft. We are always joking that you know where Smiley went by following the discarded 007s. PATRIOT ASSAULT RIFLE - Smiley has this strange affinity for old equipment. If any of you guys have been playing paintball for a while and have ordered paintball gear through APG, then you might know what a Patriot 1 semi looks like. Smiley's is rigged up with a back bottler CA and tricked out internals (??) along with 3 different barrels for it.
COMBAT CARBINE - Ever see a 68 carbine set up for tournament? Well, Smiley's Carbine is set up for combat simulations and is very, very sick in how it feels and shoots. He usually carries the combat carbine slung as a secondary rifle on military combat simulations.
The Hybrid - This is Smiley's Pro-Am tricked out with Carbine valving.
3357 Spot Marker (.50 cal) - Smiley loves to scare people with these pistols, especially cub scouts! These guns are vintage 6 shot revolvers and look like something Clint Eastwood would carry in a Dirty Harry movie.
Cub Scout KILLER 1 -
This is a modified P-68 stock class rifle that Smiley spent the better part of two years rebuilding with vintage upgrades just so he could get back in touch with the basics.
Cub Scout KILLER 2 - a PMI 1(?) that has been rebuilt and "smileyized" to use against little kids and beginners.
WHISTLER -
Another C.K. clone and just as nasty as Chicken Killer. Smiley built this to be a "reliable" back up for Maline when his Automag don't work, But Smiley uses it more than anyone else. This one "whistles" when the ball leaves the barrel.
GUNTE - Yet another C.K. clone.
BRUNHILDE -
The "all purpose ditch bitch" that started it all and Smiley's first Semi auto rifle (modified VM-68) converted to an effective sniper rifle that gave the All Americans with the first generation Shockers a run for their money. As legend goes, this was Bill Gardener's VM-68 when he played tournament. Brunehilde is retired to the "Wall of Fame and Shame".
THE BULL DOG -
THE ROOSTER - ??? Ms. EMMA - ??? The OLD BASTARD - ??? Below are pics of a person's leg that Smiley popped with Old Bastard. Old Bastard was chronographed at 287 fps. Gotta love those VM-68s!
The S-4 - ??? The SHOEHORN SPECIAL -
All we know about this pup is that Smiley received this as a birthday gift and he's been tinkering with it. We have not seen him use this yet. Oh, and his niece sneaks into his room and tries to keep it for herself. And this is the manual that came with it.
GUTTER GUN - Ever see a Stingray on steroids? Smiley built it for "aggressive play". Smiley's Brass toys - ??
ARMOR -
"Pussy padding" is what I and others like to call his front and back chest protector, elbow pads, and shin guards. As Smiley told me, he's been hurt a couple times when overshot or shot by a hot gun. He feels the armor cushions the impact of the pellet and keeps him from getting hit too bad.
THE FACE MASK #1 -
Ok, This is freaky. Smiley explained that when he started playing paintball, players decorated their masks to represent a player's soul. What's that say about his soul? What next? Voodoo? Regardless, Smiley's mask is state of the art with anti fogging devices, fog resistant lenses and a built in long distance radio and FM/AM/TV audio tuner
Face Mask #2 - We don't have pics on this as of yet. All we know is that Smiley inherited a retired player's mask which he modified and uses to carry on the tradition his friend started over 12 years ago.
THE UTILITY HARNESS - Believe it or not, Smiley designed this bandolier type harness and Robert from COPS911.COM built it for him. No one knows for sure what Smiley stores in that harness except for what he has pulled out and used such as spare barrels, Smoke Grenades, military issue flash bangs and paint grenades, parachute flares, strobing flares, regular flares, 12 gram CO2 cartridges, .50 cal. fast loads for the 3357 and BABY, 10 rd clips of .68 cal. for the pistols, spare barrel condoms, tools, parts kits, silencer, gummy worms, jerky and toilet paper. Whew! I hope I didn't forget anything. And again, this is what we have seen Smiley use so far. He keeps the contents a secret and is always surprising the shit out of us with the stuff he pulls out and uses.
THE OLD SCHOOL AMMO HARNESS - Smiley hates the conventional ball haulers, so he uses 100 rd dual pod holders placed in a series of 2-4 on a military web belt. He uses old school guppies with the rubber lids that keep his shit dry in the wettest of conditions
THE TRENCH -
Evidently, Smiley has been playing paintball while wearing a trench coat of some sort for some time. In fact, I have heard people make fun of him for it at first, then bitch about how hard it is to get a ball to break on it. Smiley admits that the real reason he wears one is to act as additional armor, keep him dry and warm (depending on weather), and to conceal the "goodies" he might have such as the utility harness or back up pistol
The Raggedies - These are Smiley's nasty raggedy-ass jeans that he has been playing paintball in for who knows how many years. If Smiley rips them or makes a hole in them, he simply pulls out a patch of cloth and a needle and thread and sews them right up. Smiley also dyes these once a year - Black and Brown dye mix - and then he doesn't wash them for a another year. Needless to say, Smiley smells like a dead animal on the paintball field and Yeti will not ride in the same car with him. These stand in the corner by themselves when not in use - EW!
THE STICK and TP Some of the barrels Smiley use are too long for a conventional squeegee and often the squeegee does not clean all the slime out of the barrel. So, Smiley made a folding dow-rod to stuff waddings of toilet paper down his barrel to get that thorough cleaning. Smiley carries two of these in his shin guards when playing and two others else where.
MISC. PICS
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