Revising the Thesis: Lab 2
English 101 Fall 2003
College Writing

 
Overview: This lab will help you to create a new introductory paragraph. By using other essays as models, you will compose a dramatically different version the working introduction you brought in.  After the lab, it will be your choice whether to return to your original working introduction, to begin drafting your essay with the new version, or to combine the two. 
Part I
  1. Open MS Word and create a new document (without closing this window; use the ALT/TAB keys to toggle between applications)
  2. Find the working introduction you posted to WebCT, copy it, then paste it into MS Word.
  3. Review the initial paragraphs from sample essays below; choose one, and then try to craft an imitation that addresses your topic but with the style and structure of the model.
  4. Post the revised introduction to WebCT
  5. Print and save the MSword file on your disk (or email it to yourself).

See  Model Introductions and a My Sample below
Model Introductions from Critical Thinking, Reading, and Writing
  1. Bostein, p. 19, ¶1
  2. Lawrence, pp. 46-7, ¶1-2
  3. Kilbourne, p. 53, ¶1-2
  4. Wilson, p. 105, ¶1-2
  5. Levin, p. 115, ¶1-2
  6. Brady, p. 120, ¶1-2
  7. Stulman, p. 123, ¶1
  8. Singer, p. 166, ¶1
Sample

Sherwood's Original Introduction

The debate about the death penalty wages on in the United States, with proponents and abolitionists locked in struggle as they have been for some years.  Recently, however, abolitionists have begun to make what some see as practical compromises that deal with the reality of crime and public sentiment towards criminals. Forsaking abolition, they rechristen themselves as reformers, emphasizing how the system denies fair trials, limits the use of evidence, and in the case of Florida's "Old Sparky," leads to botched and gruesome scenes. Yet in lowering their sights, these former abolitionists risk loosing the argument altogether; only when arguing from the simple moral equation that killing is wrong do they have a chance.

¶1 of Botstein's "A Tyranny of Standardized Tests"

The good news about education has become obvious. The quality of public schools is now on center stage in national politics. From George W. Bush to Al Gore down to aspirants for state and local office, all politicians have embraced the cause of standards and excellence.  The bad news is that the remedy everyone but teachers and pupils wants to prescribe is more testing.

New Version Modeled after Botstein

If they only skimmed the headlines, inmates on death row may have greeted recent news stories with something close to the joy they reserve for a governor's pardon.  The tragic failures of the criminal justice system now make headlines. With student journalists proving the innocence of condemned men, DNA evidence being used to reopen old cases, and emerging stories of sleeping defense lawyers, racially biased juries, and trials in which no evidence was presented--even advocates of execution have to admit the need for change.  Unfortunately, the political consequences will likely be something no one wants: a  more efficient, more "effective," and much more costly machinery of death. 

 
Courses | Sherwood |IUP English | IUP
Last Updated: 09 December, 2008